I should feel more thankful than I do right now.
Thanksgiving is this week. Bedtime Stories for the Living debuts next week.
But as I write this from my bed, I’m struggling through my tenth day of Covid (despite being fully vaccinated and receiving a booster shot).
The fever and chills have passed but I will occasionally cough up a shoe, and most food tastes like air, and I’m averaging 3.5 naps a day. And because of this, my family and I will be spending Thanksgiving quarantined in our house.
I know despite this, I should be thankful for having a roof over my head, a pantry full of food, a healthy and loving family, Nyquil, Netflix, great friends, and two cars with gas in the driveway.
But sometimes I find thankfulness hard. I don’t know about you but anger and outrage and frustration and sullenness come easier to me than thankfulness. And when I scroll through Facebook on Thanksgiving and see people list all the things they are thankful for, I can’t help but feel guilt and shame. Like I’m not worthy to be virtual friends with such thankful people.
Yet I know thankfulness is right. I know appreciating the blessings in our life is how love is cultivated. How peace is found. I also know, thankfulness doesn’t have to be publicized. Thankfulness is private practice. And is not any of Mark Zuckerberg’s business.
I want you to know thankfulness is not coming naturally to me this Thanksgiving. Maybe it’s Covid. Maybe it’s the quarantine. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I need to get over myself. Maybe I need to clean the streaks of guilt and jadedness from my eyes. Maybe I need to work harder at opening my heart and being thankful for the gifts in my life.
I rarely hear thankfulness and bravery in the same sentence. But I’ve come to understand thankfulness takes bravery. And it’s not that I’m not thankful. I am. But right now, I’m a coward. Right now, with Covid still loitering in my chest, I’m not brave enough to be thankful.
This Thanksgiving, I wish you bravery. And reflection. And good health. And big love. And one too many slices of pumpkin pie.
BLACK FRIDAY SALE!!!: Even though BSFL comes out December 3rd, as a big thank you for supporting me over the years, I have opened the Amazon store so Write On Fight On Supporters can purchase paperback copies of Bedtime Stories for the Living. https://www.amazon.com/Bedtime-Stories-Living-Jay-Armstrong/dp/B09L52B3LL/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
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