Seriously, who am I?
I have to tell you this: On Friday, after I posted my self-forgiveness challenge, self-doubt didn’t creep in, it barged in and demanded my attention.
I mean, seriously–who did I think I was?
I wasn’t qualified to talk about forgiveness.
I’m not a psychologist.
I don’t have a degree in behavioral therapy.
I don’t have a leather couch.
I don’t have an office with my name printed on a wooden door.
I am an high school English teacher. Stick to pep rallies and quoting Shakespeare, kid.
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”William Shakespeare
So I spent the day regretting the self-forgiveness challenge post.
I feared you would roll your eyes and laugh at me.
Maybe it was too personal.
Maybe, instead of helping, I would be hurting people.
If I’m being honest–I toyed with deleting the post, forgetting the challenge. Pretending in never happened. Moving on and writing about safe matters. Matters we’re both more comfortable with.
Then, as if the universe felt my doubt, I received a timely message from an unknown voice, “I love your blog. Thanks for being so honest.”
Who was I to think I was qualified to write about self-forgiveness?
If I’m being honest again–I’m the most qualified person to examine my life and write about things that have to do with me. And the same with you. You’re the most qualified person to examine yourself.
Yet you and I often fail to believe this.
You and I fear growing old regretful and ashamed.
You and I fear that holding onto anger will turn us into something nasty.
You and I know that we want others to forgive us for the offenses we committed against them.
And you and I know the only way to deal with doubt and fear is to take action and face our fears.
So I know must leave the post. Even though a voice inside tells me to take it down. I must press on with my research on self-forgiveness and the self- forgiveness challenge.
Because I believe in my work.
And if your work brings you energy and happiness and purpose then pursue it, do it, post it–even if you’re doubt sits at your kitchen table and refuses to leave.
The easiest, and sometimes the most difficult, person to connect with is yourself. Pursuing your passions is how you connect with yourself. It’s how you discover new parts of yourself.
I wrote this post because it’s the reminder I needed.
Maybe you did too.