I first saw it on Saturday.

It was there Sunday.

And when I took Maggie May for her Monday morning walk it was still there. 

When we returned from our walk I sat at the kitchen table and thought about it. 

To distract myself, I got up and made coffee, drank the coffee, read a few pages of “How to Live” the biography of French philosopher Michel de Montaigne, did some pushups, yet I could not not think about it. 

Has this ever happened to you? No matter how hard you try, you can not not think about something. And the harder we try to not think about it, the more we think about it. 

Maggie May  must have heard the leash jangle because she jumped off the couch and jogged to the front door.

“Do you want to go for another walk?”

She didn’t say anything. Just cocked her head, wagged her tail, and pawed the front door. Two walks in one morning, this might have been the greatest moment of her life.   

Michel de Montaigne’s biography How to Live written by Sarah Bakewell explores the life and writings of the 16th century writer and philosopher. In a time when most writing was about government or God, Montaigne wrote personal essays. He was more curious about himself and what he thought and what he could control than writing about what others thought and the mysteries of God. Rooted in ancient Greek wisdom,  in his most famous work, Essays, Montaigne often pleads with himself to, “pay attention.”

Montaigne felt that people in the 16th century were too easily distracted by the outside world and unfocused on their own inner world. I could only imagine what he would think and write about us 21st century people with our Smartphones and obsession with reality TV.

Maggie and I stood before it. I wondered why on this little suburban street would someone leave this? Irresponsible?–yes. But they were responsible enough to bag it and place it carefully on an electrical box. Did they just forget it? Did their Smartphone buzz? Were they mulling the latest episode of Dance Moms?

In 16th century Christianized France, the belief was that a person should spend their life repenting to God. It was believed that repentance was a way to enlightenment. However, Montaigne believed asking the self questions and reflecting on your own thoughts and actions was the only way one could progress toward a sort of enlightenment. Even though Montaigne believed that because humans are so flawed and fickle, enlightenment could never be reached.  It was in Essays that he explored himself and questioned his earthly experiences. If he were alive today, I would think he would be an author to a popular blog and have a  Kylie Jenner-like following on Instagram.

It was a bag of dog shit. Neatly bagged and neatly placed on an electrical box.

If I learned anything in my life with an incurable disease,  it’s that you have to take responsibility for the bags of shit in your life. I have to believe, the world would be such a better smelling place if everyone took care of their own shit.

My main writing subject– an incurable, progressive brain disease that drains me both physically and emotionally– is my bag of shit. And it’s my responsibility to clean it up.  Montaigne might take it a step further and conclude something like: Taking full responsibility for our lives means taking full responsibility for everything in our lives, regardless of what has happened or why.

He would probably suggest this means taking full responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, contradictions, actions, diseases, and our dog’s shit.

Montaigne believed that not everyone is lucky enough to be insane, so for the rest of us we need to learn to reason first with ourselves. And his takes a lifetime. He believed that before he could come to understand God and government and everything in between he had to better understand himself. And he felt that taking responsibility was the most important step a person in the 16th century  could take. I could help but stare at that bag of shit and think about how right Montaigne was and still– 400 years later–is.

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On May 4th, the National Ataxia Foundation and I will be hosting the first annual “Yo Philly, Stand Up to Ataxia Charity and Comedy Event.”

I tell you this because I don’t want to be hosting this event. I would rather be on my couch watching TV– simply existing quietly with my diseased brain. However, I know that even though I do not want my disease, it is my responsibility to deal with it. As of sending you this letter, we have raised over $10,000 for ataxia research–so that one day a cure for this rare, cruel disease can be found. 

What I find so admirable about Montaigne’s essays is that they are not so much a philosophical declaration but a man’s attempt to keep a record of his own character for the sake of his friends and family.

His writing is innovative because it marked a literary shift from knowledge gleaned from ancient authority to knowledge gleaned from personal experience. Montaigne explained, “I write to keep from going mad from the contradictions I find among mankind – and to work some of those contradictions out for myself.” 

I guess I do the same. Writing these letters allows you to survey my personal landscape, documents my own existence, prevents me from going mad, and allows me to better understand my contradictions. Like I said, on May 4th, I will be hosting an event I’m so extremely proud of yet I wish I was never a part of. 

Be well,

Jay

On May 4th, the National Ataxia Foundation and I are hosting Philadelphia’s first “Yo Philly, Stand Up To Ataxia– A Night of Charity and Comedy” event to support ataxia research and increase public awareness. Our goal is to raise $15,000.

If you enjoy my blog and books, I encourage you to check out the event link, donate, and share the event link with your entire network! Thanks!

To Purchase Tickets and Make a Donation Click Here!

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One Line, One Love Episode 17: Manufacturing Sunshine with author Terri Tomoff

If you haven’t heard yet… my friendGail Boenningand I recently launched a podblog called, One Line, One Love.

OLOL is a unique listening and reading experience that will inspire everyday writers, who dream of writing, to pick up their pens and write one line at a time.

This podblog format (a hybrid of a podcast and blog) is for everyday writers who–like me–often need a creative boost, a scrap of encouragement, and practical advice to unleash the writer within. Each episode consists of five wide-ranging, writer-focused questions and a weekly writing prompt.

Please check it out! And please share with any writer friends or anyone in your life who has ever considered picking up the pen.

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Purchase Link

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Warm greetings to everyone who found me on the University of Pennsylvania’s Ataxia Clinic’s website! Thanks for stopping by. I have ataxia and though I’m not a doctor, I hope my words comfort, encourage, empower, and serve as good company on your journey.

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Jay Armstrong is a speaker and an award-winning author. Despite being diagnosed with a rare neurological disease, that impairs his movement, balance, eyesight, and speech–Jay presses on. The leader of the Philadelphia Ataxia Support Group, he hopes to help you find joy, peace, and meaning in life.