Training Session #35- July 13: The Thing about Voice in Your Head

In 2013 I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis, an autoimmune disorder that chewed a hole in my cerebellum, atrophied various muscles, impaired my vision, balance, coordination and consequently stole my ability to run. I have dedicated the summer of 2018 to regaining my strength, coordination, balance, and relearning how to run. I am participating in a 5k run on September 23rd in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This is my training journal. This is my attempt to grow physically strong again.

Write on. Fight on.

The previous training sessions can be found here, under “Fight on- Summer Training Log”

Time:

7:00 am to 7: 45 am

Conditions:

Outdoor- 72 degrees

Training Maxim:

No hurry. No pause.

Training Performed:

45 minutes of walking/jogging (wogging…it’s a thing)- 2.2 miles

Accomplishment:

The 2.2 miles is the longest distance I walked/jogged since I started training 6 weeks ago.

Quote I’m Thinking About Today:

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more”~ William Shakespeare, Henry V

Reflection:

We all have a voice in our head.

The voice that tells us to look both ways before crossing the street. To eat all our vegetables. To be cautious around strangers. To avoid dark alleys. To rest when we get tired. And a voice that reminds us that it will always love you, even if you don’t try.

The voice loves you. Of course it does. Because if you were to die so would the voice. So the voice comforts, sympathizes with us and exists to protect and prolong our life.

But what does your voice say when things get hard? When the distance between you and your goal is too far? When the pain is too great? When the cancer is terminal? When hope and happiness and love have left?

For a long time my voice reminded me that I my brain was damaged. That my muscles were weak. That my bones were brittle. And that if I tried to do anything but take my medication I would get hurt.

My voice had good intentions. My voice sought to protect me. Yet in doing so, my voice made me believe that I was too sick to change my fortune.

So I listened. And the voice was happy. But I wasn’t. I was becoming weaker, complacent and dissatisfied. I began imaging what life would be like without the voice.

Then on June 2nd, I laced up my sneakers, jogged down to the court house and filed the paperwork to divorce my voice.

My ex-voice loved me to a fault. My ex-voice’s sympathy became toxic.

I had to endure four and a half years with my ex-voice to realize that though it wanted nothing more to be safe and comfortable, it was my ex-voice that was actually holding me back.

From The Previous Training Session- July 13: How to Deal with Anything

For my friends, two in particular, who are going through real shit today.

How to Deal with Anything:

1.Make a Declaration

You have a Problem. A Problem that has manifested into an uncomfortable truth.

When living with an uncomfortable truth– illness, addiction, financial hardship, depression, anxiety, confusion, damaged relationships– the first step is to make a declaration that exposes your wound.

I have____________.

I am _____________.

My relationship with _________ is ___________.