Do I Send It? by Write on Fight on Scholarship Winner Marco Michanowicz

Marco Michanowicz is a recent graduate of Robbinsville High School. Marco spent the first three years at TCHS in Florida before moving to New Jersey going into his senior year. He will be attending Rider University and plans to major in either Mathematics or Environmental Science.

Marco ( on the left) with Mary ( right) and I.

Do I send it?

At what age does someone mature?

At what age does someone realize their mistakes?

It’s been thirteen years.

I don’t play with the same toys or live in the same house or speak the same language. The man I am today resembles nothing of the boy you once knew.

You still have the audacity to call yourself a father. A biological right to have a connection, dismissing any pain you caused along the way.

How, at nineteen, am I more mature than you ever were? Of course this could be that instinctive, brash belief teenagers tend to have thinking they know everything.

But I think this is different.

Under the right circumstances, I would do anything to have you here. But first you must understand the pain, the struggles, and the emptiness created.

To avoid these feelings, I filled my days with work.

Since I was a kid, mom has instilled a good work ethic in me. With that I have been working since I was thirteen. Mowing lawns, babysitting, and shoveling snow.

Last summer when we moved to New Jersey, I began to help mom with the bills. In addition to applying to college, doing schoolwork, I scored jobs at a local deli and Taco Bell. On many days after school, I would work both. To come home close to midnight, exhausted and in desperate need of a shower.

For the first time, school become secondary. It’s sad, but good grades do not pay bills.

April 1st I received a letter in the mail.

The folder that had a fine, smooth finish on the edges, authored by Rider University. Behind my acceptance letter lay an additional envelope. Announcing full coverage of my tuition. Yes, humbled and appreciative to receive this honor however, it doesn’t compare knowing that I will be the first in my family to attend college.

The road I traveled has been hard and difficult, but I know now that it has prepared me for college.

I want you to know I have walked many miles on that road alone. Nothing fills the  absence of a dad. No matter who I celebrate on Father’s day. No one can be called dad, except for you. My grandfather spent hours upon hours to teach me things you never did. Nonno taught me hard work and independence at a young age.  He sacrificed twenty years of his life, to help raise me. That is what a father does.

Nonno did what he could and I’m forever grateful but sometimes a boy just needs his father. Without you there was…

No one to talk sports with

No shooting range

No fishing

No road trip

No dad

None of these last few sentences have a period, they don’t get an ending because they never got a beginning.

I sit here, writing about them, yet not having experienced them. I had to search what father’s do with their kids, because dad was not there.

At what age does someone mature?

At what age does someone realize their mistakes?

It’s been thirteen years.

Don’t get your hopes up, unfortunately, I didn’t find the answers while writing this and I think that’s the important part.

It’s not time yet.

Dad, where have you been through all this?

You want to talk again. You have pages of reasons to keep in contact. Ranting about the past as you claim you will let go of it.

I wrote my own message too.

Do I send it?

That’s my final answer