In 2013 I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis, an autoimmune disorder that chewed a hole in my cerebellum, atrophied various muscles, impaired my vision, balance, coordination and consequently stole my ability to run. I have dedicated the summer of 2018 to regaining my strength, coordination, balance, and relearning how to run. I am participating in a 5k run on September 23rd in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This is my training journal. This is my attempt to grow physically strong again.

Write on. Fight on.  

The previous training sessions can be found here, under “Fight on- Summer Training Log”

Time:

6:40 am to 7:45 am, 8:01 am to 8:25 am

Conditions:

Indoor

Outdoor- 77 degrees

Training Maxim:

No hurry. No pause.

Training Performed:

Gym Training

• Recumbent bike- warm up -7 minutes
• Chest press 3 reps x 10 ea.- 80 lbs
• Bicep curl 3 reps x 10 ea.- 40 lbs
• Shoulder press 3 reps x 10 ea.-60 lbs
• Leg extensions 3 reps x 10 ea. leg- 30 lbs. right leg, 20 lbs. left leg
• Hamstring curl 3 reps x 10 ea. leg- 30 lbs. right leg, 20 lbs. left leg
• Leg press 3 reps x 10 ea. leg- 50 lbs right leg, 40 lbs. left leg
• Elliptical- hill intervals- 8 minutes

Outdoor

• 10 full basketball sprints (approximately 84 feet each sprint)
• 50 push-ups

Accomplishment:

The post gym training–50 push-ups and 10 full court sprints. Even though I completed a full body workout I left the gym unsatisfied. I wanted more.  So on the way home I stopped at a basketball court and trained until I was satisfied.

Quote I’m Thinking about Today:

“He does not even give a thought to what others will say or suppose about him, or do against him, but is content to meet two conditions- his own integrity in each present action and glad acceptance of his present lot.”           ~ Marcus Aurelius

Reflection:

This was my 25th training session.

And even though I’m proud of my progress, I partly feel as if I let some people down. The people who took time time to read my weekly stories. The people who commented on and shared my work. The people I made laugh and cry.

To those people– I’m sorry.  Understand, I want to tell you a story. But there’s something clawing inside me right now, telling me I have to do this first. I have to train. I have to grow strong again. I have to relearn how to run.

A few months ago I was considering what would be the hardest thing for me to do–what is impossible?

The answer–run. There was a hole in my brain and I believed my running days were over.

For almost five years I accepted my limitations. I believed in my illness more than I believed in myself. My illness stole my abilities, my confidence, my toughness. It emasculated me and quieted my spirit. I was only in my mid-30’s and I was just surviving.

But I grew tired of surviving, tired of complaining. So on June 2, 2018 I decided to do something about my life. I decided to try the impossible. For 25 training sessions I been reteaching myself how to run. I’ve fallen twice. I’ve gotten up twice. I’ve been sore, frustrated and at times completely exhausted. And yet, I’ve never felt more alive. I’m believing in myself again. I’m learning that the obstacle is, and has always been the way.

What I’m doing is about recovery, redemption, and reviving a part of myself I though was dead. It’s shaping up to be a great story.

And one day, when the time is right, I hope to tell you all about it.

How I Celebrated My 25th Training Session:

I bought a copy of “The Obstacle is the Way” by Ryan Holiday

From Yesterday’s Training Session:

Think like a professional…

You’re a runner when you’re running. The distance doesn’t matter. 24.5 miles or 285 feet. The speed doesn’t matter. The medals and finish times are meaningless. A runner, like a writer, only earns their title by doing–which requires courage, patience, the audacity to endure, to ability to silence the ego, and the fortitude to push forward.